My Cabin Fever

     Every horror fan and their creepy uncle has been writing about The Cabin in the Woods, and rightly so. It is easily the most important movie the produced in the genre in the last decade or so. Far be it for me to buck the trend, so here is my post.

AS IF IT IS NOT OBVIOUS, THERE WILL BE SPOILERS. ALL OF THEM. SERIOUSLY, DON’T READ BELOW THE PICTURE IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE MOVIE.

     Now, let me clarify that this isn’t going to be some kind of review, or even an in-depth analysis. Right now, all I can manage is recount the thoughts that have been jammed into the crevices of my mind by this flick.

     What keeps me obsessing about this movie is the premise and the way it is handled. A shady organization is tasked with sacrificing youngsters in ritualistic fashion; a ritual that just happens to be the standard horror movie formula. Bigger lampshades have rarely been hung on anything.

     For sake of ease, let me present what I love about this in list format.

     1) Inclusiveness. Everybody’s favorite horror-movie staple is included, at least nominally. The idea that the basement is filled with items that each correspond to a different monster is brilliant. Fans will be studying stills from those scenes for years to come, trying to identify and analyze what object would bring what monster. We know diary = zombie redneck torture family, conch shell = merman, music box = tooth-faced ballerina, and Hellraiser-esque puzzle box = Hellraiser-esque demon¹. But what about the necklace Jules almost puts on? Or the film reels Marty started investigating (despite his misgivings about being in the basement)? In the same way, I can’t wait to start going frame-by-frame to see all the monsters as we get the zoom-out on the “cells” they are kept in, or the carnage when they are “purged.”

     What really revs my motor about this aspect of the film is I love it when somebody comes up with a smart reason to cross-over monsters. One of my favorite comics/horror books of all time is The Lords of Misrule, and it does a similar thing where it gives a reason why various (seemingly) unrelated urban legends and horror stories might be connected. See, when it comes to paranormal matters, there are definitely some things that do not mesh. UFOlogy suggest aliens and ships and science-fictiony things, whereas ghosts suggest magic and psychics and other types of fantasy-ish spiritualism. Often, as a writer, I find myself wanting to find ways to include all possibilities as one. A string theory of horror and the paranormal, if you will. It doesn’t work in reality, but Cabin presents a great way to fit them all together in the same fictional piece.

     2) The Ancients. Okay, what fan of Lovecraft isn’t going to see the connections with this theme? Evil old gods that once ruled the world and now reside underground, waiting to be released onto the Earth again? Cthulhu’s been there and eaten the T-shirt, gang. Not that I’m faulting this aspect of the movie’s plot. Far from it. Rather, this is one of the parts that has given me the most to think about after the movie. Because, like any good piece of literature, Cabin just gets better with discussion and contemplation.

     According to the movie, the Ancients once ruled the world, and now the ritual sacrifice is needed to keep them locked away. But the Ancients must accept the sacrifice, which is why you can’t “just chuck a girl into a volcano,” as Hadley bemoans. You have to keep them entertained with the sacrifice; there must be pain and fear, along with blood. Perfect reason why these horror tropes exist.

     But my brain immediately asks the question: what happened to the Ancients in the first place? How did they get locked under the earth? If they ruled the planet, what changed? Surely this wasn’t a voluntary move. They didn’t just decide to go chill in Hell and only accept sacrifices every once in a while. If you rule the world, you can get all the damn ritualistic slaughter you want, anytime and anywhere. The dialogue in the movie makes it seem like the Ancients could come back and end the world again anytime they wanted—if, for instance, they are displeased with our sacrifice—but that just doesn’t compute. Why would the Ancients sit below and watch to see if we do it right? Why would they wait to be given what they could just as easily reach up and take?

     No, my immediate thought is that they’re trapped.  This isn’t a sacrifice to appease an evil god, but a blood ritual to maintain some kind of spell that keeps them down and away. Which means somebody, at some point, was able to lock them up in the first place. And that just opens up a whole new slew of questions.

     I understand that this isn’t important in the context of the movie, but it is important to me for the mythos. When the end of the movie comes and the characters have effectively doomed mankind, I can’t help but think: “Or have they?” Because clearly the Ancients were subdued at one time, so it could happen again. And, sappy as it may be to admit, I feel a lot better about the end thinking that it might not be all doom and gloom².

     3) Humor. Or, should I say, “humor that doesn’t rely on a comedic relief character.” Yes, you could claim that stoner Marty was the comedic relief, but I don’t. To me, that type of character is only ever used in the negative. Jar Jar Binks was comedic relief, in the sense that he ruined the movie by trying to inject humor where it had no business. Marty, on the other hand, provides not pointless antics, but the only “clear” perspective on what is happening. It also helps that his lines are actually funny. Not to mention some of the best lines aren’t even his, as far as I’m concerned. They come out of the control room with the guys who are running the ritual. From Mordecai’s “Wait, am I on speaker phone?” to Hadley’s comment about singing “What a Friend We Have in Shinto,” it is this juxtaposition of smartassery with blood and guts that really makes this movie as much about chuckles as it is scares.

     That’s more than enough for now. Doubtless I will keep obsessing over details as the weeks go on. So there’s a good chance I might have to revisit this when I have the chance to watch the movie again.

¹ Who, according to IMDB, is called Fornicus, Lord of Bondage and Pain.

² Even if doom and gloom are Joss Whedon’s bread and butter.