The Mighty Max Gambit

     I’m sure that everyone has things from their childhood that helped define aspects of their personality. For us geeks, usually that involves some kind of game, movie, or television show. These things stick with us long into adulthood¹, usually providing happy memories and surprising moments of synchronicity when you find somebody else who used to love the same things you did.

     These kinds of cherished institutions should never be revisited.

     For those of you who have lived all of your lives under rocks or without access to human contact, let me briefly explain the concept of rose-tinted glasses. It is when you romanticize the past, remembering all the good parts of something and forgetting the bad parts. It’s the reason people will get back together with their exes², and the reason elderly folks are convinced that life was much better in the good ol’ days. It is why I made the mistake of watching the X-Men cartoon again.

     I don’t think I have to go into a lot of detail about what happened here. This has happened to us all. Not long ago I found that the X-Men cartoon was on Netflix. I said to myself: “Self, this show was highly influential in your development as a geek. You would be a fool not to bask in the glory days of Saturday morning cartoons.”

     Ah, but I was a fool after all, and the harsh reality of the X-Men animated series slapped me in the face like a wet fish³. For starters, the animation was choppy and inconsistent. I remember one scene where Rogue’s breathing (to indicate that she was merely unconscious, not dead) was indicated by the expansion and deflation of her breasts. Speaking of Rogue, even more injustice was done by the over-the-top Southern accent they saddled her with. The phrase “nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs” haunts me to this day. And if ever I try to remember Gambit’s “Cajun” accent, my brain shuts down and I wake up an hour later curled into a fetal position in a puddle of my own drool.

     I bring this up because today I had the misfortune of remembering the show Mighty Max. Now, this is apparently was not a commonly watched show, as there are few people even my age who ever saw it. I myself have barely ever seen all of an episode. For reasons I can no longer recall, I always had to leave for school before the last ten minutes of the show. While I could probably relate the plot of at least a dozen episodes to you, I couldn’t tell you how any of them end.

     And I realize now that this might be the best thing that could have happened in regards to that show. Maybe I like Mighty Max the way I like X-Men and Star Wars: I love the world and the premise, but I wish better writers would take the helm and take them to their full potential. Maybe not seeing the end allowed my fevered brain to invent my own endings, which could be infinitely cooler than what actually happened. The sad thing is that I don’t know if I dare actually look the old shows up and watch them again. Because what if I’m wrong? What if Mighty Max isn’t friggin’ awesome? What if it’s all jumpy cell animation and terrible voice acting?

     On the other hand, it could be like Zombies Ate My Neighbors, which was a surprisingly influential video game for me as a child, and is still an awesome time as an adult. That game has maintained its ranking even to my grown-up standards. Or what about things like Calvin & Hobbes which I actually enjoy more now that I’m old enough to read between the lines a bit.

     So, what do I do? In one hand there is crushing disappointment, and in the other there is glorious revival. Is it worth the risk?

                                    

                                                             

¹ I.e. long past the time they are age-appropriate.

² That and angry, hate-fueled sex.

³ Meaning stinky, and possibly still gasping for life.